By Rob Shaul
Calculated – “planned or contrived”
Obliviousness – “lacking active conscious knowledge or awareness”
– Merriam-Webster
You can give a slight break to people who are “Unaware and Self-Absorbed.” Their self-absorption is at the expense of others, but it’s not intentional. There’s opportunity for them to mature themselves to being aware and selfless.
But “calculated obliviousness” is another animal. These are a special kind of douchebag, who act unaware but know exactly what they are doing. Easy examples are people who consistently “forget” their wallet when it comes to pay for a shared dinner, are consistently late or don’t give credit at work when credit is due.
These people can be work colleagues, friends, family, or acquaintances, but regardless, quickly and efficiently cull them from your life.
Something will happen and a red flag will raise in your mind about these type of people.
Good. Watch them closely.
If it happens again, discount them moving forward. Stop immediately investing time and effort in the relationship. They are users and you’re nothing but a “mark” for them.
Calculated Oblivious acquaintances are the easiest to cull. I’m not good at acting and when I cull these people they know they are not welcome in my life and stay away.
More difficult are friends. Generally, you’ve seen this behavior from them but allowed it to happen. Maybe the relationship was transactional. Perhaps you simply didn’t want to believe what your eyes and mind were screaming, but it won’t end well and the quicker you end it, the better. They’ll get the hint and move on to the next mark.
Hardest to cull is family. Every calculated oblivious douchebag is a son, daughter, brother or sister, and despite the blood tie, you’re still a mark for them. I have one of these people in my own life, and while it broke my heart to cull this person, it was the right decision.