What does it mean to be a good father?

In this MTI podcast episode, Rob is joined by Charlie, Dan, and Derrick for a raw, introspective discussion on modern fatherhood. Drawing from personal experience and research, the conversation dives into what makes a good dad, where the responsibilities lie, and how fatherhood shapes men across career paths and family structures.

---

Key Takeaways

Providing vs. Presence

• The group wrestles with the idea of whether you can be a good father if you’re not a good provider. Rob leans heavily on the importance of financial stability, while Charlie and others suggest that being physically and emotionally present may outweigh financial provision.
• Presence and emotional availability emerge as essential ingredients, particularly as traditional father roles evolve to include emotional support and understanding.

Emotional Connection & Communication

• Emotional connection was a challenging topic. Most participants admitted they’re not naturally expressive but see value in presence through activity, shared interest, and quality time.
• Rob describes emotional connection as more than verbal sharing — sometimes it’s about simply being there. Derrick echoes this, emphasizing roughhousing and outdoor play with his boys as his connection point.

Responsibilities and Priorities

• The group identified core priorities as loving your kids, providing emotional safety, leading by example, and modeling healthy relationships, particularly with their spouses.
• Charlie highlighted love and encouragement as his top duties, while Dan stressed life skills education and Derrick prioritized emotional grounding and protection.

Lessons from Their Own Fathers

• Each participant reflected on their fathers’ strengths and weaknesses. For Charlie and Dan, physical absence and emotional distance created a hunger to be better fathers themselves.
• Derrick praised his father’s devotion and presence, noting a lack of personal hobbies that may have affected his dad’s happiness.

Mentorship and Male Role Models

• A consensus emerged on the importance of third-party male mentors, especially during adolescence. Rob shared how his mother deliberately sent him to live and work with uncles, which helped shape him.
• Charlie noted the resistance he faces from his young son when coaching physical skills, and the group agreed this was common. Kids often accept advice more readily from others.

How Fatherhood Has Changed Them

• Everyone acknowledged fatherhood made them more patient, accountable, and empathetic. Charlie admitted to becoming less physically reckless.
• Rob highlighted the joy of sharing life with his children and the emotional rewards it brought despite earlier reservations.

Concerns for Today’s Boys

• The group expressed serious concerns about social media, the decline of face-to-face interaction, and a lack of direction for young men. Rob described a model of a “gap year” with his sons focused on shared adventure and personal growth.
• Charlie mentioned wanting to create a community or facility to build character and grit in young men, inspired by his experiences at a boxing gym that served underprivileged youth.

The Final Question: Are You a Good Dad?

• Ultimately, the group agreed this isn’t a question fathers can answer themselves — it’s for their children to decide, likely decades down the line.
• Charlie suggests the best indicator might be whether your child wants to be by your side when you’re dying. Dan believes the answer only arrives when a son lives out his full life and reflects back.